Buckwheat's Personal Testimony...Part #2

And so the nightmare has begun...

After I regained somewhat of a composure, I had to take a deep breath and get my focus, even if just for a minute. The lead detective had explained to me what had happened and that a ex-employee was a suspect in the killings, but they were looking for him. It wouldn't be until the next day that they would locate and arrest him. We later found out that the person that was arrested and charged with public indecency just days before the killings. The only thing that I could think of at the time is, "what am I gonna do? How is this happeneing to me?"

Once the officer was finished, I told him that my stepfather was on his way up to the police station and that I had to meet him outside. As I walked through the doors of the police station, a victim's counselor grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side. Her name is Cindy. She would later become one of my greatest friends that I would ever have. She was about 110lbs and was 4'8. She was so sweet and always there to hear me cry. She looked up at me and said "Do you wanna hug?"

I lost it...

That is when I really knew that the dream was real...

I remember falling to the ground and she just hugged me. Even as tall as I am, she and I were the same height with me on the ground. Haha!!! I always teased her about that. Cindy would become a very important part of my life after this day. She would help and teach me how to deal with some of the things that I was about to face. As I got up off the floor, she gave me her card and told me to call her if I needed anything. I started walking outside and I could see David walking up. I got sick at my stomach.

"Where is she?"  David asks.

"Uh, I need you to sit down dad. I have to tell you something."

"Just tell me where she is." David says.

"She's gone!" I said.

"What? What do you mean she's gone? Where is she? What happened?"  David says.

"There was a robbery at the carwash and mom was injured and she didn't make it. She's dead."

He dropped to the ground and cried. I never saw my stepfather cry before until this moment. I have never had to deliver the "bad news" to anyone before. I was about to become the "messenger" for this. David stood up and ran to his truck. I said "where are you going?" All I heard was the carwash. He went looking for his wife. I tried to stop him, but he just left. One of the officers told me that they were taking mom's body to Parkland Hospital. He said that he would escort me down there if I wanted to. I said "let's go." As we were in the car, he was telling me of things that were to come out of all of this. All I kept thinking was, "mom is dead." He said that there were somethings that he needed to know about mom and that he had a few questions for me. We pull up to the emergency room entrance at the hospital.

Here I go...

I see David sitting in the waiting room with his brother Tim. There were a bunch of cops and doctors standing around him just talking. David walks up to me and says "she's gone." My response, "I know." He had accepted it, even though he didn't want to. Tim said, "Buckwheat, what am I going to do?" Tim and mom were very close. The way they played off of each other, you would have almost thought they were brother and sister. Tim was one of the people who took it the hardest. As we were sitting in the waiting room, a doctor walked up to us and asked for someone to identify mom. David had walked off and went to the bathroom. Tim said, "Buckwheat, wait for David." I said, "I will do it."

"Buckwheat, let David do it." Tim says.

Tim, I can do this."

I walk with the doctor down the hall towards the morgue where they were keeping the bodies. Felt like I was walking the "Green Mile." I walked into this room with a TV screen. The doctor said that an image of her will appear on the screen. It wouldn't be her face, but a part of her that would be recognizable. Then the TV came on.

It was her hand that had her wedding ring...

I won't go into detail of the images that I saw, but I recognize mom's wedding ring. If anyone knew mom, they new the ring. It was huge. She considered it to be her prize possesion amongst her jewelry. But when I say the ring, I said "that is her." And that was it. There was nothing else to be done or said. I walked back out to the waiting room and saw David and Tim standing there. Nothing was said.

"Buckwheat, take my truck back to the house and I will ride with Tim." David says.

"Okay, I will meet you at the house." At the same time, I was thinking of my sister. I tried calling her a couple of times before I left and never could get a hold of her. When I made it to the house, I learned that a friend of the family had gotten a hold of her husband and he was able to find her and tell her. She was 7 months pregnant at the time with her youngest. I wouldn't see her until I got to the house out in the country.

I remember that when I got into David's truck, I just had a moment to myself to just sit there and cry. I just wanted to do nothing but cry and for someone to hold me and say that everything was going to be okay. I kept thinking, "How am I gonna do this?" I start up the truck and head towards the apartment that we all had shared. As I walked into the apartment, David and Tim were already there. David was on the phone talking to his daughter Cheryl. He had the hardest time telling her what happened and passed the phone over to Tim. He couldn't do it either.

"Tim, give the phone to Buckwheat." David says.

A deep breath and here we go. This is the second time that I had to tell someone that mom was dead. It wasn't getting any easier saying it. I grabbed the phone from Tim and said "hello." Looking back now at all of this, God knew how I was gonna pull through all of this. He chose me for this time, only because He knew I was capable to stand strong in all of this. God was there with me, but I wish more than ever that I had been with Him in all of this.

"Cheryl, hey it's me." All that I heard was screaming and crying. "Cheryl, calm down, I need you to take a breath and calm down." She started to slow down and get herself together somewhat. When she got to the point of being able to talk to her, that is when I told her what had happened. As soon as I told her, the crying started all over again. Then all I heard is "click." She would call back a few minutes later and I got her somewhat calmed. But there was still one call that i had to make before I did anything else.

My dad...

My dad and I have never had the best father and son relationship due to me. I have always been a great liar, especially when it comes to my father. My father has always paid the price for my lies. Yet, like our Heavenly Father, he has always taken me back. I remember calling him that day. I had made so many calls before I called him, that I hated making this one above any of them. How do you sit there and tell the your dad that the mother of your children has been murdered? Truth is, there's no handbook. That is the truth!!!

So I dialed his number and he answered, "Hello."

"Hey papa, it's me."

I just hated this call...

Buckwheat's Personal Testimony...Part #1

  "Buckwheat, are you serious?"

 "Oh my God, I can't believe that!"

 "I know what you went through, I really do."

I have heard these phrases a million times over after the passing of my mother. As many times that I have told the story of my mother's death, there are moments that I still get very choked up about it. I was telling a friend of mine the other day about how that event changed my life forever. I have told this story so many times, that it feels like I am telling a bedtime story. But to sit there and tell everyone detail for detail, that is when the emotions can flare up. If you want to understand me and my testimony, you have to see where it all began.

 And so here we go...

March 20, 2000 is a day that will always be the worst and best day of my life. I remember it like it just happened. My day would start out pretty much the same when I woke up. Coffee and Star Trek: The Next Generation. Yes, I am a Sci-Fi geek. I was flipping through the channels when I came across my mother's workplace. They had just said that a robbery occured at her workplace, but wasn't giving any information other than that. I called up there and wasn't getting any answers so I got dressed as fast as I could. I got into the car and hauled myself up there as fast as I could. It would normally take about 10 minutes to get to her workplace, I made it there in about 2 minutes. I pulled into the driveway and walked up to a motorcycle cop and told him that I was looking for my mother who worked there. He said that she was probably at the police station giving a report on the robbery. I had to drive down there to find her. I had noticed that there were no ambulances there, so that gave me a good thought in the back of my mind, meaning that no one got hurt.

 I was wrong...

When I got to the police station, I walked in and told them who I was and that I was looking for my mother. They led me back to a conference room where another family was sitting there waiting for their family member. I had met Dennis's wife a few times, but never really sat down to talk to her before. I looked at the police officer and said "this isn't my family." The officer said that he was going to go look for my mom. As I was talking to Dennis's wife about what she thought had happened, we were left in utter wonder and fear. We had hoped that it was not the worst, but hoped for the best. I remember telling one of the counselor's that I needed to use a phone while we were waiting. I had to call my step-father at the time. It was the hardest phone call that I had to make because it was the first.

"Dad, hey it's me. Have you talked to mom this morning?"

"No, not since we left this morning. Why, what's wrong?"

"There was a robbery at the carwash and I can't find mom."

Phone clicks and goes dead...

As I am still waiting to hear from the police about mom, I am sitting here in the office and just trying to get my thoughts and feeling together. I hated the "not knowing" part of all this. I always think of the "Jeopardy theme" whenever I tell this part. I walked back into the conference room and saw that it was empty. I waited for a few minutes when about 6 cops come walking in the door. It had just got bad...

"Mr. Spears, we have located your mom, but she has been injured in the robbery along with other people at the carwash."

"Well, where is she and is she okay?"

"Her injuries were severe and did not survive."

"What? What do you mean she didn't survive? Is she dead?"

"Yes."

Silence was in the room. Then I just started crying to the point of losing myself. I remember that I grabbed a table and threw it across the room as hard as I could. The next thing I knew, there were about 4 cops that were on top of me. They had restrained me to the point of laying on the ground. I remember screaming, crying and fighting to get off the ground.

"Mr. Spears, calm down, it's gonna be okay."

"Get off of me, now!"

"I need you to calm down. I'm not letting you go until then."

"Get the hell off of me! Let me go, NOW!!!"

When they picked me up off the ground, I had a moment to catch my breath and kind of take in everything. It was like every part of time had just stopped. This was all a dream and I was ready to wake up.

 I never did...

The dream that I thought I was in, just became a nightmare...

Different Flavors, Same Ingredients! What's the Difference?

"I want something that is sweet, but not too sweet."
"Well, what kind of flavors do you like?"

"I like it sweet, but not sweet!"

"Ummmm............."

  When I get customer's like this, it absolutely drives me crazy. I mean, don't ask for something that you may or may not like. Now, I will help guide you and make suggestions, but ultimately it comes down to this. It has the same flavor and the same coffee. But the truth is that there is no difference in your drink versus the lady behind you that orders the same thing. "Well, I can cut back on the amount of pumps which reduces the sweetness in it, but it's still the same." When someone adjusts something to make you happy, there is a root or a base for it. The same goes for Christianity today.

 I have so many people walk through my door and alter their drinks and make it to where they feel great about drinking it. That gives them the control over their happiness. Whenever you get control over a situation, that is a form of power that we get a rise out of. Whenever you are looking for a good place to eat or drink, you have to go to different places. Someone may have the best fajitas or the best steak that you have ever had, but that food has a beginning. Eating or drinking something today comes from a animal. With Christianity today, there is a root or a rock.

 With Christianity, there are so many denominations today that people participate in today, that it is literally hard to keep up with the growth of churches. The churches today are having a major impact on society today. The debate in New York today over a mosque being built 2 blocks from the Twin Towers location has spread all over the world. As you can see, a faith has a major impact on the world today and will only get worse. Now, I don't agree with the Muslim faith and alot of the other religions that are out there. With Christianity, there is a common ground, Jesus. Most churches today believe and teach that Jesus is the only to the Father. But there are some that adjust the teaching of Jesus to fit the people.

 This is where people get a different flavor, but yet it has the same ingredients. But unfortunately, some people like to throw in their own little ingredients to make it taste better for the customers or the congregation. This is what some call "watering down the Truth." This is the power or that "feeling good" about the Gospel. With so many preachers and evangelists speaking the Word of God in this world, it's hard for some to distinguish the truth and teachings of Jesus. Church has been a part of this great nation since it's birth and was found on Biblical principles. Since those times, the church has been kicked to the curb because of society and being "political correctness." You can say the same with coffee today. The company that I work for is known for it's coffee and has taken a great stance on being "politically correct." Yet, in 2009, they donated over a million dollars to the LGBT Foundation.

 Do I agree with that? Absolutely not! But they do it to make sure that they try to make everyone happy. To some extent we all do that. I want to make sure that everyone of my customers walk away from my bar happy and satisfied each and every time. Does it always happen? No, but I will always do my best to make sure that they leave satisfied. That goes the same for church today. We want church to makes us feel good about ourselves and that we can call ourselves Christians. Unfortunately, we visit many churches to get the "feeling" that we want. Now, I do believe that to some extent you have to have some comfort level with the preaching and the people around you. When I first attended the church that I now attend, I went as an unbeliever. I would have never in a million years thought that I would attend that kind of church. People walking up to me and hugging me, shaking my hands and all up in my business. That wasn't my thing back then. That literally kept from going to church for the longest time. But I didn't know what it was at the time either. I wasn't looking for a church. Someone invited and I went. That was it.

 Today it's alot different. I love the church that I attend and even though many times I have wanted to leave and find another church, the truth is, I don't think that I could. I remember one guy that always gave me a hug whenever I saw him. David was a sweet and loving soul who loved Christ with all of his heart. He had some physical issues, but that didn't stop him from showing me what it was like to feel at home. I was very saddened to learn that when his family moved, that I wouldn't see him much anymore. He helped me see that church was about not only the Word of God being preached, but a sense of belonging. If you saw David, you wouldn't think that he would belong in church, but the truth is that David didn't let his physical issues stop him from loving on God and his children. Church today has a common theme that I see today, making you feel good.
 Let me just say this. If you hear the Word of God preached and you don't get offended by it, you are at the wrong church. Huh? That's right! There are so many times that I hear the Word preached and it literally makes me mad, but the truth is, that if I didn't know what it was and digged into the scriptures myself, it could lead me down a path of stupidity. If you hear the Word preached and all they talk about is how much God loves you, and that's it, that's not enough. With all the denominations that there are in the world today, many churches have watered down the "Gospel" to a great extent. Some churches preach that healing and miracles don't happen anymore. That God is still mad at you. That Jesus was "PLAN B." My favorite one that I heard from Andrew Womack was this, "the church is the new mafia. They want your money and attendance, AND they will make sure that God protects you until the next service."
 Now even though these people maybe preaching these type of services, most of them preach that Jesus was the Son of God who came to Earth, was crucified for our sins and raised from the dead by the Holy Spirit. That is the main ingredient for Christianity today. Jesus is the ONLY WAY into Heaven!  Jesus is the only thing that matters when it comes to church. If you here someone else teaching something other than that, RUN!!! That is a doctrine of the enemy!!! If you think that just being a good person is going to get you into heaven, you've got another thing coming. JUDGEMENT!!!

I am sorry for all of you Oprah fans, but she is wrong to think and tell everyone that being a "good person" and there has to be "another way into heaven" is really going to work out for you in the long run. But that is a whole different story. Back to my main point.

 Guys, it is simple and not hard to figure out. I like in the book of Revelations and the letters that were written to the churches, that they all had some sort of issue. But the truth is that they believed that Jesus was the Son of God, God was Holy and that was it. That is the "main ingredient" for Christianity today. God has a Son by the name of Jesus who came to Earth who lived and walked this planet for 33 years old and was crucified for our sins and was raised from the dead after 3 days. That is the purpose and the truth about the Christianity. Now, there are pastor and preachers that add extra ingredients or "teachings" that may not be in line with the Word of God. These are the people that say that God loves you no matter what.
 The teachings of Jesus are so much more than just what is being heard in the church today. It has applications that can be used for daily living or even harder situations. But, this is where the church comes into play as well. The church has speak the Word of God in love and truth. The church isn't about the building, it's about what is being preached within it's walls. I heard my Pastor said one time "it's better to have a few father's in the faith, then ten thousand teachers." Ten thousand teachers have all sorts of ingredients. Too many ingredients have can make for a bad piece of cake. It can give you a funny taste in your mouth. With the Word of God preached in the right manner, with love and compassion, you should always walk away with a God taste in your Spirit.

 That is the Word of God...

Guys, my encouragement for you is only this.

When you go to church as a new or a mature believer, be careful, look at the list of ingredients that the church is using to speak the Word of God. What I love about the Word of God is this...

 I either get a revelation from the Word that can leave me somewhat dissappointed or the greatest feeling in my Spirit that God has given to me through His Word. His Word, His Son, His Spirit..........His ingredients...